As coronavirus spreads around the country, more and more people are becoming flush with fear.
While the impact of COVID-19 has been felt everywhere from schools to the stock market, the virus is now disrupting one of society’s most creature comforts: the bathroom routine.
On Saturday, a police department in Oregon posted a status on their Facebook page asking people not to call in for an emergency if they run out of toilet paper due to the coronavirus outbreak.
“It’s hard to believe that we even have to post this,” began the post by the Newport Oregon Police Department. “Do not call 9-1-1 just because you ran out of toilet paper. You will survive without our assistance.”
The post went on to point to enumerate alternative methods used throughout history in an attempt to quell TP pandemonium if people run out of their “favorite soft, ultra plush two-ply citrus scented tissue.”
The post listed out a few examples: “Seamen used old rope and anchor lines soaked in salt water. Ancient Romans used a sea sponge on a stick, also soaked in salt water. We are a coastal town. We have an abundance of salt water available. Sea shells were also used.”
More suggestions for alternatives to use in loo of toilet paper read like a list of items you might find in your kitchen drawer or your parents’ garage: “Grocery receipts, newspaper, cloth rags, cloth rags, lace, cotton balls,” and even leaves.
The message ended with one final plea.
“Be resourceful. Be patient. There is a TP shortage. This too shall pass. Just don’t call 9-1-1. We cannot bring you toilet paper.”