Chad Dukes brought the latest in a long line of brilliant rants to his 106.7 The Fan listeners on Wednesday.
In this verbal offering, Dukes starts out with a mea culpa, humbly apologizing for missing a work appointment, but cannot shake the torment of an injustice that's been nipping at him all afternoon.
Like a fine wine, it's best to let this one breath. Enjoy these 23 minutes of blistering Dukes rage from beginning to end, going in with as little information as possible knowing you'll come out delightfully surprised. This rant also features a charming interruption from Dukes' loveable pup, Ripley.
"Ripley, seriously. I'm on a tirade here. I mean you're embarrassing me in front of thousands of people. You're embarrassing me," Dukes says to a barking Ripley. "I mean is that what you want? You want daddy to look weak in front of everybody? Daddy's gotta pretend like he's a big shot."
Dukes returns to sports talk around the 14:40 mark, when he officially declares the storied rivalry between Dallas and Washington dead.
"There's no Dallas Week. There's no rivalry," he said. "It's DEAD! The team isn't even named 'Redskins' anymore. You think we can't move on from that? There hasn't been a rivalry in well over a decade. The rivalry was Dallas-Philadelphia. That was the rivalry.
"It's gotta be a back and forth if there's gonna be a rivalry. Daniel Cormier said that after he lost to Jon Jones, again. He said there's gotta be a wins-and-losses, there's gotta be a back and forth. There's none of that. It pains me to say this, but the Dallas Cowboys are a far superior organization than the whatever we are. We don't even have a name."
Dukes saved some venom for Ron Rivera, taking aim at the Washington head coach's rampant clock management issues.
"There's no pride, Dukes said. "They don't even take their timeouts! They don't even try to tie the game. They want to get off the field! Their coach is scared they'll get hurt! We've got a coach that's scared the players will get hurt! Jesus! People think Mike McCarthy's doing a bad job? Our coach is scared of football!"