“I’d probably wanna kick Boomer’s ass.”
THERE GOES CHICKEN PARM LOU STARTING JUNK AGAIN! That’s probably what the guys are saying at the office, but you clicked, right? So, we’re just doing us…all in good fun, of course.
So, too, was that quote from Craig Carton, who jumped on with Moose & Maggie at the end of their show on Wednesday to talk about the ridiculous “battle of the century” happening between Mike Tyson and Roy Jones Jr. this weekend. It might be the biggest turkey of the holiday, but it spawned a discussion about what a WFAN Charity Boxing Card might look like.
And when Maggie asked Craig who he’d battle, the jocular main event was made: Craig “Spank” Carton vs. Norman Julius “Boomer” Esiason.
“For charity, and I get to train and look decent and not go in with a shirt on like a fat guy on the beach? I’d probably wanna kick Boomer’s ass,” Craig said. “He’s slow, so I can go in and pop-pop-pop and out.”
“That’s such an overrated thing to say,” Craig said. “You threw a football, you weren’t running the 40 that well, were you?”
Booms may be an athlete, which Maggie noted can carry people in other sports – and Craig noted can “give them another gear of competitiveness that we don’t have” – but Craiggy knows how to box?
“I once got in the squared circle with an amateur where I used to work out, because he wanted to work on his corner defense,” Craig revealed. “I grew up in a boxing family, so I know how to box, and he’s not punching back, he just wants to parry blows and duck under things. My punches came out so slow and embarrassing that the guy goes, ‘you’re not helping me at all.’ My jab was so slow.”
Boomer vs. Carton would be a “heavyweight fight, because we’re both heavyweights now,” as Craig said…but don’t count on Gio vs. Evan as the undercard.
“That’ll never happen, because Evan, by his own admission, bruises like a grape and doesn’t know how to throw a punch,” Craig said. “It’d end up like those two guys fighting at Wawa the other day.”
Whether or not Giannotti vs. Roberts would go as viral as two of Philly’s finest is debatable (we’ll do our best to help), but when asked who Moose would fight, Craig first suggested Boomer pulling a doubleheader before Maggie chimed in: Moose vs. Big Mac in another heavyweight bout.
“McMonigle ghosted the show, gave the midday show the middle finger,” Moose said. “I understand he got the call-up, but we text him and he doesn’t respond for days.”
Craiggy tried to smooth things over by praising his lead-in show, but Chris McMonigle was ready.
“Yeah I want a piece of that action! He’s giving me the finger on Twitter, accusing me of all kinds of things,” McMonigle chimed in. “What I do in the privacy of my own home is my business!”
WFAN Night at the Fights? Maybe we’ll set up a video game tournament…